Fear and Hope (A poem about Mystery)

I thought that words could help me describe everything
But they are powerless to the beauty that you bring
And I find myself so lost
WIthout words to pay the cost

And I find that I do explode
When your image, I behold
Because there is nothing close to it
Not even rockets lit

And I feel so useless here
So overcome with fear
That I cannot even go
Up to you and my affection, show

For you stand right ahead
Before my mind with eyelids shed
And you spare not a single thought
For me and the feelings that I have wrought

And you know not that all these poems I write
Are about you, my shining light
And that you've taken hold of my mind
And my old self, I cannot find

For how many hours have you spent
In my heart without paying rent?
So many that I cannot count
In my heart, you're always around

And how long have I been in your heart?
I bet I never even played a part
The worst part of my day
Is knowing that is the safest thing to say

For what have I ever been to you?
Just a cloud in the blue
A shadow that you see and forget
A thought that into your mind, you do not let

What am I doing, mystery?
I should be talking to you, giving you glee
And yet I'm here, writing this poem about you
It's like I'm stuck to my seat with glue

Do you know how useless I feel
When with you, I cannot deal?
I hate that I write so much
And sit so far from your touch

I know that the problem is completely mine
I am the entire reason you are blind
I blame myself completely for this misfortune
And I blame myself for all this gloom

For you will never notice me
And my thoughts for you, you will never see
Because I have been so silent
Without a single letter sent

It's entirely my fault
And the pain on my heart is like salt
This damnation seems without relief
For our conversations if ever are very brief

I'm not even done being angry at myself
For the poems about you that sit upon my shelf
When will I get the nerve to walk the floor
And talk to you, hold you and more?

I have been wasting my time alone
With all my words and poems
It makes me look like a damn recluse
A man who to you has no use

And the pain I feel is self-caused
It hurts as much as any love lost
But do I enjoy this pain?
Because it fills every crevice of my brain

But with the heavy rain that falls
And floods DLSU and all its halls
I find hope shining like your eyes
Masked in fear's terrible disguise

And so with each day that flies
I hope that my courage will rise
And innervate my legs so lame
And shed all this useless shame

To spend the time that I ought to,
Being with and talking with you
One day, I will succeed
And my broken heart will cease to bleed.

23-26 July 2011